Why Do I Feel Fine One Minute… Then Completely Overwhelmed the Next?

Sue Morrison
Jun 28
4 min read

Understanding Your Window of Tolerance

Have you ever had one of those days where the smallest thing completely sets you off?

Someone cuts you off in traffic.

Your child spills milk.

Your partner asks,

"What's for dinner?"

Your boss sends one more email.

And suddenly you're thinking…

"Why am I reacting like this?"

Or maybe you're the opposite.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed…

You shut down.

You go quiet.

You scroll your phone for hours.

You cancel plans.

You just can't seem to get yourself going.

If either of those sounds familiar…

There isn't something wrong with you.

Your nervous system is probably trying to tell you something.

🌿 Meet Your Window of Tolerance

Imagine your nervous system has a window.

When you're inside that window, life still has its challenges—but you can handle them.

You can think clearly.

✔ Solve problems

✔ Stay connected

✔ Feel your emotions without becoming overwhelmed

✔ Make thoughtful decisions

✔ Recover more easily from stress

This is where we feel most like ourselves.

Not because life is perfect…

Because our nervous system feels balanced enough to manage it.

🔥 When We Move Above Our Window 🔥

Sometimes our nervous system goes into overdrive.

You might notice:

Racing thoughts
Anxiety
Feeling constantly on edge
Irritability
Snapping at people you love
Jaw clenching
Headaches
Trouble sleeping
Feeling like your brain won't switch off

This isn't weakness.

It's your nervous system preparing you to survive.

❄️ Sometimes We Go Below Our Window ❄️

Other times…

Instead of speeding up…

Our nervous system slows everything down.

You may notice:

Emotional numbness
Exhaustion
Brain fog
Difficulty concentrating
Feeling disconnected
Wanting to isolate
Lack of motivation
Feeling "flat"

People often mistake this for laziness.

It isn't.

It's another survival response.

The Goal Isn't to Stay Calm All the Time

This surprises many people.

The goal isn't to never get stressed.

That's impossible.

Healthy nervous systems naturally move above and below their window throughout the day.

The goal is simply to notice when you've moved outside your window…

…and learn how to return.

Even better?

Your Window of Tolerance can grow.

With practice.

With support.

With healing.

What Happens in Therapy?

One of the things we do in therapy is help you become curious about your nervous system.

Together we explore:

What pushes you above your window?
What causes you to shut down?
What helps you feel grounded again?
What patterns keep showing up?
What helps you feel safe?

For some people this means learning practical coping strategies.

For others it means healing old wounds that continue to affect the present.

Sometimes simply understanding why your body reacts the way it does is the beginning of real change.

🧠 What About Trauma? 🧠

When someone has experienced trauma, their Window of Tolerance often becomes much smaller.

Things that wouldn't bother someone else can suddenly feel overwhelming.

Or they may find themselves shutting down much more quickly.

That's not because they're "too sensitive."

It's because their nervous system learned to stay on high alert in order to survive.

The wonderful news is this:

Our brains and nervous systems are incredibly adaptable.

With the right support, they can learn that the danger has passed.

Over time…

Your Window of Tolerance can become larger.

You become more resilient.

More flexible.

More able to respond rather than react.

If You're Doing EMDR…

One of the goals of EMDR is to gently expand your Window of Tolerance: your nervous system's ability to experience difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.

During EMDR, we gently activate difficult memories while helping you stay connected to the present.

The goal is not to avoid emotion.

The goal is to experience just enough activation that your brain can safely process the memory.

This is where the most meaningful healing happens...

If the memory becomes too overwhelming…

Your brain shifts back into survival mode (fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown),

making it difficult for healing to occur.

Your therapist's role is to help you stay in that optimal zone, where you're emotionally engaged while still feeling oriented, present, and connected to the room around you.

This is where EMDR is often most effective.

Why We Go Slowly...

Trauma therapy isn't about pushing through distress.

It isn't about "getting it over with."

Healing happens when your nervous system learns that it can experience difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed.

That's why trauma therapy is completed gradually, at your pace, with regular check-ins and grounding throughout the process.

A Note About Self-Exploration...

Learning about your nervous system is wonderful.

Practicing grounding skills on your own can also be incredibly helpful.

However, intentionally activating highly distressing or traumatic memories on your own is generally not recommended.

Deeper trauma processing is safest with a therapist who is trained to recognize when your nervous system is becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.

Healing doesn't come from overwhelming yourself.

Healing comes from experiencing manageable amounts of emotion while remaining connected to the present and knowing you're safe...

Small Things That Help...

Sometimes returning to your window starts with simple things:

Slow your breathing.
Move your body.
Spend time outside.
Listen to calming music.
Take a quiet break.
Reach out to someone you trust.
Journal your thoughts.
Practice grounding exercises.

Small things.

Done consistently.

Often create the biggest change.

You Are Not Broken

If you've been feeling anxious…

Overwhelmed…

Emotionally numb…

Or like you're constantly swinging between the two…

Please hear this: You are not broken !

Your nervous system has simply been working very hard to protect you.

And just as it learned to survive…

It can also learn to feel safe again.

How White Brick Therapy Can Help:

If you've been feeling:

• Constantly anxious

• Easily overwhelmed

• Emotionally numb

• Stuck in survival mode

• Exhausted even after resting

• Like your reactions don't make sense

You don't have to figure it out alone !

At White Brick Therapy, we help children, teens, adults, couples, and families better understand their nervous systems, process difficult experiences, and develop practical tools for lasting change.

Whether you're navigating anxiety, trauma, burnout, relationship challenges, or simply feeling overwhelmed by life, we're here to help.

Healing doesn't begin by becoming someone different.

It begins by understanding yourself with compassion.